Chapter 3: A Boy’s Love
A few days ago, I was chatting to my girlfriend about each others feelings. She is the ‘fast love’ type. She said that as long as both parties see eye to eye and it isn’t disgusting in bed, then it’s OK. I said that I couldn’t do that, I needed both parties to understand each other, I’ll know that the other person’s heart is true and also let the other person know that I care about him. We have to consider the possibilities of being together, rationality, each other’s families and also think about how the two of us will manage our marriage so that it will be long lasting.
After listening, my friend shook her head and said, “You’re too realistic.”
Yes, I’m very realistic so my romantic boyfriend would often say that I’m a cold woman, cruel woman, emotionless woman, and then talk about how back then, his teenage heart was broken then broken even more.
I….think about it, and it’s true.
I can’t remember my first impression of Xu Wei Yu, I only know that we met. It’s to the extent that I can’t work out from primary onward, which year level we were classmates in, which year we parted.
In high school, I chose the humanities stream. He called me outside and dragged me to the back of the school building. He walked around in circles and was annoyed for a long time, “Why are you like this, why are you like this…..”
He was good at humanities, I was good at sciences.
He accommodated me by choosing sciences, I didn’t believe it and chose humanities, it was really a strange combination of circumstances.
I said, “Wei Yu, I’m going up now.”
He became even more annoyed and glared at me. It was the first time he spoke icily to me, “Gu Qing Xi, do you have to be so cold?!”
I watched him turn around and leave, I didn’t know how to manage these sorts of things and only felt very apologetic.
I wasn’t naturally so ignorant that I couldn’t see his obvious interest in me, but back then, we were still young and didn’t have so many deep feelings. Even if there was a little impulse, a little ignorance, it was all immature. It’s good to experience young love but missing it is also okay. In the future when you think back to it, you’ll only gently smile or feel warm, or be as calm as a clear sky.
In high school second year, there once was a large spring outing. It was a rare benefit the school gave to the deeply suffering students and the plan was to go to Wuyuan County in Jiangxi Province. I don’t remember how long we sat on the bus for, but after we got off, I was a bit car sick. My classmate held me and said, “Qing Xi, your complexion is bad, do you want to drink some water?”
I said that I’ll be fine after walking and catching some air.
My desk mate was a calm and quiet girl, her personality was a little similar to mine so we got along well. We were at the very back of the group walking on the small country road. I felt that it was a rare relaxation time and a group of boys in the front had already started making a ruckus. After walking for a bit, someone behind me patted my shoulder. I turned around to see that it was Xu Wei Yu, I had forgot that his science class also came along, the arts stream were in the front and his were there back group. He expressionlessly handed over a water bottle, “Drink some water.”
I froze for a bit and after recovering, I replied, “I don’t want to drink.” Actually it was because I couldn’t drink it down, my chest felt a bit nauseous the whole time.
He frowned, “Your face is as white as a ghost!”
My desk mate felt that the atmosphere wasn’t right and worriedly asked me in a small voice, “Qing Xi, should we walk faster and catch up to the front?”
I was just deciding when the boys from the science class ran over chirping, “Wei Yu, no wonder you ran so fast, it turns out you came looking for your girlfriend!”
“Student, Young Master Xu really thinks about you all the time, he was looking at his watch the entire trip over, haha, haha!”
“Brother Yu, you’re acting too obvious la! The teacher’s nearly here, take it easy!”
The group of boys stopped messing around and ran onward laughing.
Xu Wei Yu looked at me and hesitantly said, “Lets walk together?”
My desk mate understood. This time, she had no loyalty and said to me, “I’m going to find so and so” then jogged off.
Xu Wei Yu walked over and held my arm, I said no need, I could walk.
He gnashed his teeth, “Endure then!”
Sigh, I am uncomfortable but being disturbed like this by him made it even worse. I saw that lots of boys and girls from the science stream were coming up so I said, “Lets go.”
I felt very uneasy walking in middle. Xu Wei Yu once said that I: liked face more than I liked him, Truthfully, I just don’t like to become the center of his focus or attract any attention. I’ve been like this since I was small and personalities like this that have been acquired through many years of habit so you can’t say “change it” and it’ll easily change. That day, I caught up to the people in my class and when I was about to say goodbye to him, he grabbed me and said, “Qing Xi, I’m leaving next year.”
Xu Wei Yu puts in much more feelings than I do, it’s always been this way. He’s also understood many things before I have. The words he say the most are: you let me wait for so, so long, I nearly thought that I’ll get gray hair from waiting before you understand! Then in my next life, I definitely don’t want to meet you!”
Third year of high school was the most painful year. The things I remember deepest are everyday unable to wake up, the endless questions, feeling dizzy, unable to differentiate between the start of class and end of class bells. However, like this, the time went by very quickly. In the middle of June*, I realized that it turns out my high school life has already ended.
*[June is gaokao]
That summer, little brother went overseas with father, mother and I sent him over. It was my first time going abroad and I only felt unfamiliar and not suited to the place. I thought little brother, who was ten that year, would probably be even more scared and helpless, however he help my hand and smiled to me, “Sister, I’m overseas la, he he, later I’ll buy pretty clothes to bring back for sis!”
I say okay.
When I went back to China, my neighbor called me over, he said, “Qing Xi, you and your mother weren’t home during this period?”
I said yes, we went out.
He said, “there was a boy, he came everyday in the previous two weeks to wait for you. I saw that he waited from morning to night so I said that you might have gone out, no one’s home during summer break. Sigh, now that you’re back, what about giving him a phone call, do you know who he is?”
I said that I know.
Xu Wei Tu also went overseas, in this decade, going abroad was as easy and common as eating KFC.
In university, I made a group of very good friends. Their personalities were either open, brazen or graceful. They all say that university is love’s temple so in the second semester of the first year, my good friends around me all got a boyfriend at godspeed. Thus, I, this loner, was often looked down on and preached on. All up to one day when the head of dorm mysteriously handed the phone to me, saying “Qi Zi, it’s for you, a man.”
I suspiciously took it over and said “Hello?”
The person on the side took a long time before making a sound, “It’s me.”
Later, they said that I reportedly had a boyfriend. Because the second time Xu Wei Yu called, the head of dorm asked, “Say, who are you to our Qing Mo? Speak frankly!”
He said, “I am whoever she says I am.”
The head of dorm laughed out loud, “Everything ah! Haha, okay, I know now, Qing Xi’s everything!”
He said, “Qing Xi, we’re in university, can we date now?”
I wasn’t some amazing girl, if I really had to say my good points then, just quiet and also kind.
When I do something, I will always consider many things. I’m also like this with feelings so Xu Wei Yu suffered quite a bit when he started to like me. However, in the beginning, I truly thought that it was just a spur of the moment for him. Since he was small, he’s been walking in front of me showing off so perhaps after a while, he’ll grow bored. I am a type of person that is slow to warm up so I’m a little more cautious towards feelings.
I asked Xu Wei, “Why do you like me?”
He said, “Don’t know, I can’t say but you’re just the right one.”
I said, “Then do you know that I have feelings for you?”
He said, “I know, but you don’t know.”
I laughed, feeling like we were both fools.
In the four years of university, a group of girls gave me a friendship I’ll remember for the rest of my life, I learned to sleep in, I learned to occasionally play some games, I learned to be able to focus on reading, even when the girls in the dorm room were howling. In these four years, there were two guys who chased after me but compared to my friends, I was considered not very well known and apologized to the two guys.
Xu Wei Yu came to school to find me a few times. The first time we met after being separated by thousands of miles, I remember he was wearing a light shade sweatshirt, his figure was tall and his hair was cut very short, under the sunlight, he seemed extremely clean.
He saw me and chuckled, at the time my nose mysteriously seemed a bit sour.
He ran over and hesitantly held out his hand then put it down again.
I asked what’s wrong?
He said, “I want to hug you but I’m scared you’ll shout at me.”
In our first time hugging, it was me who hugged him. After I lowered my arms, I realized that his eyes were red. I asked what’s wrong?
He said he was touched.
We’ve always been apart more than we’ve been together. I once thought that our relationship from the start to now, was really like a calm and lengthy television series.
Xu Wei Yu said, “Take off the calm! Aren’t the days I’m living considered sad ah!” Then he said, “It is a bit lengthy, my youth has been spend on you, you have to be responsible for me.”
I said, “Which television drama did you learn it from?”
The year he came back, I was still in school. He didn’t notify me so that day when I went back to the dorms and saw he standing outside, I didn’t walk another step.
He walked over and hugged me, “Qing Xi, I’m back.”
Six years ago on that small road in Wu Yuan, he grabbed my sleeve and said, “Qing Xi, I’m going next year.”
Six years time, it’s not long but it’s not short either.
Although there weren’t any big ups and downs in our relationship, it can’t be said to be easy either. We were apart for so many years so being able to walk down this path together has a lot to with his perseverance. I’ve wanted to say to him all this time, “Wei Yu, thank you for your perseverance.”
Yay, we finally get to learn a bit more about Qing Xi. I love how calm she is compared to the happy joyful Wei Yu hehe. It’s nice for the personalities to swap for a change (since usually it’s the main female lead who is super bright and happy and the male is icy and cold right right?)