Chapter 20: The Third Summer.
As soon as I opened the door to the study, I heard Xu Wei Yu and Xiao Di fighting……over video chat.
Wei Yu: “During my high school years, I had a crew cut, I have confidence and natural beauty, so even if I have a crew cut, I’m still handsome. With your haircut, you can’t even see properly.”
Xiao Di: “My head costed fifty pounds!”
“Heh, your head is probably only worth fifty pounds.”
“What do you mean?”
“Why do you want me to repeat that your head is only worth fifty?”
“I don’t want to talk to you anymore, tell my sis to come! Where’s my sis? Why do you keep using her computer! Tell my sis to come speak with me! You go die!”
Wei Yu turned to me, “Why does your little brother keep swearing ah.”
Me: “Can’t help it, his upbringing is bad.”
Wei Yu: “How is it ah, it’s him who didn’t learn well!”
Xiao Di was shouting “Sis, sis, sis” on the other side. I went over and asked, “What’s the matter?”
Xiao Di: “There’s two days left until I come back. What should I bring you? Sis.”
Wei Yu: “I will make all your sister’s wishes come true so just mind your own business. Go and stay somewhere cold.”
Xiao Di: “You go and stay somewhere cold! No, you go and stay somewhere hot and die from the heat, it’s best if you get steamed into a roast pig!”
Wei Yu: “Even if I’m roasted, my breed isn’t pig. This is common knowledge, did you graduate from primary?”
Xiao Di: “You didn’t graduate from primary!”
Me: “Can’t you two rest for a while?”
Wei Yu laughed happily, “It’s fun.”
Xiao Di: “Shameless!”
Me: “Okay, you two can continue being intimate, I’m going off to watch a movie.”
The two: “……”
Xiao Di was very close with his cousin brother who was two years older. Every time he came back, the two of them would get together. Once, I walked past and saw my cousin lightly pat Xiao Di’s head smiling with a “you understand” expression. However, Xiao Di said, “If you have anything to say then just say it, my head isn’t a touch screen!”
My cousin slyly said, “Did’t I tell you to bring back that something something?”
Xiao Di: “What ah?”
“That thing ah.”
“Those banned goods? Do you think I can bring them on the plane? Bro.”
I asked, “Bring what?”
“Nothing, nothing, nothing! Cousin, I’m going out to play ball with Zi Hao. We’ll come back later to eat ha.”
Outside the door, cousin shouted quietly at Xiao Di, “What banned goods? Are apples banned goods?! I was nearly done in by you, your brother in law is a police.”
Xiao Di: “Police my ass!” I couldn’t hear the rest but I think it definitely wasn’t any nice words.
Xiao Di was just learning to drive. When we went out, Xiao Di drove but he didn’t drive for 10 meters before Wei Yu shouted, “Right lane, drive on the right lane!”
Xiao DI: “You’re too noisy!”
“If you don’t drive wrong then of course I won’t be noisy, who told you to be so stupid.”
“I always drive on the left lane, it’s you who’s stupid okay!”
“Don’t swear when you lose ah, no class. Look at the front properly.”
He didn’t drive 50 metres before Wei Yu shouted, “Big sis* ah, right lane!”
Xiao Di: “Sis your little sis!**”
*[Big sis is similar to my god]
**[Your little sis is similar to your mom in English, basically swearing.]
Me: “……” This relationship’s become complicated.
Xi Diao shouted at me, “Sis ah, tell him to shut up, so annoying!”
Me: “I’m used to it.”
Mother bought a puppy to raise, Xiao Di loves pets and he would dote on it using all kinds of methods. In the morning I walked past his room, when I opened the door, I saw him conversing with the puppy, “May I help you? ……No? Ok, Can you help me?” Wearing clothes-ing……
Xiao Di spent his summer vacation at home and whenever he had the time, he would play games. Thus, my mother asked me, “Does he still have hope?”
I haven’t spoken when through the open study room door, Xiao Di shouted over, “I know how I’m doing, you guys don’t have to worry!”
Later, I asked him, “How do you know how you’re doing?”
Xiao Di: “Games and studies need to be grasped in two hands, both hands must be strong.”
At night, I went with Xiao Di to walk the puppy. He conversed with the puppy the whole way, “Did you have enough to eat for dinner?”
“Not full ah, but I told yo to eat more so why didn’t you eat? You’re always wanting more later, it’s very hard for me!”
I started laughing.
Xiao Di continued, “As long as you stick with me, you’ll will flourish in the future.”
Puppy: “Woof woof!”
Xiao Di: “That’s right! Call me boss.”
Xiao Di: “Good! Later I’ll teach you how to play games.”
Dog: “Woof woof woof!”
Xiao Di was chatting with his friends and I stood behind him and read it for a while. I saw him typing some: You mum’s (later I found out it meant: fuck) balabala (completely English). Then the other person sent: It should be your mum……
Xiao Di: “Differences in culture is the most annoying!”
I slapped his head, “Speak with more care.”
Xiao Di turned, “Sis, I have the most manners in my class.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“It’s true, I never say fuck, I only say shit.”
I was speechless, there’s not much difference between the two.
I went to the supermarket with Xiao Di and Xu Wei Yu. Although we rarely went together, but it is always a soul stirring experience.
Wei Yu: “You push the cart.”
Xiao Di: “Do you think that young master, I, is made for pushing carts?”
Wei Yu: “That’s true, alright, then you sit in the cart.”
Xiao Di: “You go die, go die!”
I pushed the cart between them and walked away.
When buying fruit, Xiao Di: “They have the most summer fruits, sis let’s buy a lot okay?”
Wei Yu: “People who don’t need to pay themselves don’t hurt when talking.”
Xiao Di: “It’s my sis who’s paying not you, why do you talk so much!”
Wei Yu: “Your sis and I are lawful husband and wife, our assets are shared.”
Xiao Di: “I’m my sis’ lawful little brother! You go die!”
Wei Yu: “Why do you tell me to go die every time ah, can you think of anything new?”
Xiao Di: “Sis!!”
I was busy picking apples.
When buying seafood, Wei Yu: “Qing Xi, buy some shrimps, I want to eat them.”
Xiao Di: “I don’t want to eat seafood, I’ll grow pimples.”
Wei Yu: “You growing pimples has nothing to do with me.”
Xiao Di: “I wasn’t even talking to you! Sis, I don’t want to eat seafood.”
Wei Yu: “I want to eat!”
Me: “I’ll buy some seafood and some beef, so you can both eat what you want okay?”
Xiao Di and Wei Yu both said in unison, “OK, why are you making something originally so simple so complicated!”
When buying daily necessities, Wei Yu: “We’ve finished the shampoo, let’s buy some more?”
Xiao Di: “I only use the brand xxx.”
Wei Yu: “You don’t live in our house, who cares what brand you use. Plus, even if you say you’re living in our house, I still won’t buy it.”
Xiao Di: “I’m talking to my sis, why do you have so much useless words ah!”
Speaking of which, shouldn’t it also be considered a wonder that they can find endless things to quarrel about?
Xiao Di was at home (my parents’ house) when he suddenly developed a desire to raise some goldfish. That day I wasn’t there but Wei Yu was so before Wei Yu left, he got him to agree to buy five, moreover, he even gave him the money first.
As a result, when I got home that day, I heard Xiao Di shouting, “Pay me back!”
It turns out that two of the fishes died on the way back.
Xiao Di: “Pay me back ah they’re all dead!”
Wei Yu lightly said, “There are risks in investments.”
Xiao Di: “……”
Xiao Di put the other three fish into the fish tank, it was father’s fish tank for his two Arowanas. Then, within five minutes, those three little goldfish were eaten by the Arowanas.
Wei Yu: “I’ve seen stupid but I’ve never seen someone so stupid, didn’t you know that big fish will eat smaller fish?”
Xiao Di was nearly crazy, “I told you to buy me a fish tank but you said it was fine just raising them in the big fish tank, raising them together would be easier!”
Wei Yu: “I was saying it casually but you still believed it? I can remember that I also said Aeowanas were from the same era as dinosaurs. Even dinosaurs weren’t able to stay strong and healthy and are now extinct yet they are still living. You can see how awesome this species are but you actually put those small and weak goldfish next to their mouths, it was your stupidity that killed those little goldfish ah, too cruel.”
“Go die!!” Xiao Di ran back to his room and loudly slammed the door!
I looked at Xu Wei Yu who laughed, “I brought a fish tank for him but on the road it fell and broke. I went to find a bag and rushed for fifty meters before I found a small shop and got a small bag. When I poured the water back in, two had already died la.”
Is this considered……Silent love?
The next day, Wei Yu went to buy Xiao Di goldfish again in a fish tank, “You don’t need to pay me back, just call me brother in law.”
Xiao Di: “Get lost!”
Wei Yu: “This child.”
Xiao Di was driving so the speed wasn’t very fast. Like usual, Xu Wei Yu had a lot to say, he sat at the back pretending to sleep and said, “I can ride a bicycle faster than this.”
Xiao Di: “Then go and ride a bicycle ah, I didn’t tell you to come and sit!”
“But I’d have to have a bicycle ah, plus I’m lying down not sitting.”
Xiao Di shouted, “Boring!”
Xu Wei Yu: “Aiyo, you even know English, wife, please translate.”
They shouted all the way to the restuarant.
Once we sat down, Xu We Yu ordered. Xiao Di’s phone rang, he picked up and used English to converse. The waiter beside us looked at him, Wei Yu: “Stop looking, he’s just been overseas for a bit and he’s turned so disgusting.”
*[Can also mean virtuous.]
After Xiao Di hung up, he started shouting at him, “My friend doesn’t understand Chinese. Plus, didn’t you go study abroad in Germany? Hmph, it’s Hitler’s birthplace, I’m looking down on you.”
Wei Yu looked at Xiao Di and shook his head, “People without culture are really scary, Hitler’s birthplace wasn’t Germany, he was born in Austria.”
Xiao Di: “……”
In the summer, I unexpectedly received some kind of award…then, before I went to get the award, I heard Xiao Di ask Xu Wei Yu, “My sis got that award, aren’t you going to express yourself?”
Wei Yu: “Last night, I used lots of energy expressing, it’s just that you didn’t see it.”
Me: “……” Don’t make it seem so dodgy alright? Last night you shouted yourself hoarse singing is all!
After the summer ended, Xiao Di went back to school.
Xu Wei YU and Xiao Di still fought long distance. I was their messenger.
Recently, Xiao Di’s evaluation of Xu Wei Yu is: a righteous face with crooked ways.
I relayed it and after Wei Yu heard, he sneered, “If he can’t win, he uses malicious slander, how low.”
After Xiao Di heard, he snorted, “Bullying someone younger than him, what kind of hero is that!”
After Xu Wei Yu heard, “How many times have I said it, I’ve never been a hero.”
After Xiao Di heard, he shouted, “Let him go die!”
After Xu Wei Yu heard, he sneered, “Pft, there’s no class in cursing.”
Fortunately these two don’t live together or else there’s a big possibility they’d be shouting everyday and fighting every three days.
Also, don’t I seem a little like a ‘bad person’ ah?