You’ll get to see Xu Wei Yu interact with little kids in this chapter! I really wonder how he’ll act with his own kid in the future.
Chapter 23: Cute relatives
Xu Wei Yu’s cousin was a student at Peking University. Apparently, ever since middle school, he’s been a very amazing person. Then, when I saw this cousin for the first time, he said to me, “Little sister, do you have any girls to introduce me to?” Afterwards, I asked Xu Wei Yu, “Your cousin is really talented, how come he still hasn’t found a girl yet?”
Xu Wei Yu said, “He lacks morals.”
Later, after I became closer to his cousin, he came to our house to play.
I heard him say to Xu Wei Yu, “If you’re my brother then help me out. I only want you to help me go look at the person is all, I’m not asking you to overstep the boundaries.”
Wei Yu: “I told you that I have no time.”
“It’s your wife who wants you to come with me.”
“My wife? Why didn’t you say so earlier! Let’s go.”
After they came back, Wei Yu was still outside parking the car. The cousin who had come up first said to me, “Little sister ah, I’m sorry. I used your name to get your husband to drive the car, treat us to the meal and even buy some fruit as a gift for that girl……In the end, that girl fell for your husband!”
I was speechless, “And then?”
Cousin: “Of course I couldn’t let that kind of thing happen ah, so I determinedly sacrificed myself and said that your husband and I were a couple.”
I was completely speechless.
At this time, Xu Wei Yu came up and as soon as he came in the door, he started shouting, “Xu Que De*, you ruined my name, I’m going to castrate you!”
*[Que de= lack of morals, not his actual name]
Then I watched as that outstanding student ran up and down the house begging for mercy.
I went out with Xu Wei Yu and his cousin from Peking University to buy things for the Spring Festival.
Wei Yu was driving but the traffic was really bad so the cousin shouted the entire way, “Overtake that car! Quickly, the red light is going to come up, drift past it!”
Wei Yu said to me gratified, “Look, can you see how civilized I am compared to him?”
Cousin: “What civilized, your speed makes me too speechless. On the way back, I’ll drive.”
Wei Yu: “I have no objections but you have to ask my wife.”
Me: “I also have no objections but I’m letting you know beforehand that if we get any speeding tickets, you have to deal with it yourself.”
The outstanding student: “No problem!”
On the way back, his cousin drove. Through the entire way, Wei Yu said: “Overpass that car! Quickly, the red light is going to come up, drift past it!”
Indeed,it’s ‘easier said than done’ for these two.
Wei Yu’s cousin from Peking University’s sister’s son had just turned four. He really likes Xu Wei Yu……’s phone. Because he has a lot of games on his phone, when it was the holidays, the cousin from Peking would leave the little boy at our house then go out to play himself.
At lunchtime, Wei Yu and I took the little boy out to eat. In the restaurant filled with people, the little boy pulled at Xu Wei Yu’s pants and loudly shouted, “Uncle, uncle, uncle, uncle, I wanna play your little bird*, where is it!”
*[Little bird is a kiddie term for penis.]
The entire restaurant became quiet.
Wei Yu had black lines down his forehead as he pulled out his phone. (=_=|||) Then, he earnestly said, “You really like to play ‘Angry Birds’ on uncle’s phone right? I’ll let you play it now!”
Thus, the little boy took the phone and happily started playing Angry Birds.
After we got home, Wei Yu humphed, “I’m going to uninstall this game!”
I felt all kinds of pressure when I helped a six year old cousin with her homework. Whenever I saw questions that asked you to give examples, I would be put in a stump and rub my head deep in thought. My little cousin who was by my side would say, “Sister, sister, I know how to do this one. Let me teach you.”
When Wei Yu heard her say this while he talked past, he’d burst out in laughter, “Luckily you’re from the humanities stream. Scoot over, let me do this.”
Then, after studying it for five minutes, he said, “There’s some difficulty in this…sigh, I’m from the science stream.”
My little cousin added in, “You’re all so stupid!”
Wei Yu: “Bullshit, I was nearly the top scholar back in our science stream.”
Little cousin: “What’s a top scholar?”
Wei Yu: “A cool person*.”
[He said that he was a 牛人 which literally translates to a cow person but is used to describe a cool/pro person.]
Little cousin was alarmed, “The Bull Demon King?”
Wei Yu: “No, actually I’m the Monkey King.”
Little Cousin: “Wow, if Wei Yu gege* is the Monkey King then where is your golden hoop?”
Wei Yu: “I smelted it to buy a house and get married.”
Little cousin covered her mouth in laughter, “I don’t believe it, I know that you’re lying to me. The Monkey King and the Bull Demon King are all from television, they’re fake.”
I looked at Xu Wei Yu compassionately, “You really don’t understand the post 2000s generation. They already know about the 2008 Beijing Olympics and that the Diaoyu Islands are China’s. You should go wash up and sleep early.”
Wei Yu ran off in tears.
This little cousin has probably watched too many war films on TV. One day, she came to our house to play holding a small flag stuck onto a chopstick. When she walked in, she said, “Let’s go fight the devils!”*
Wei Yu said, “I’ve become a devil? No ah, I’m being wronged! The party must believe me!”
The little cousin calmly looked at the person who was playing along with her and said, “Wei Yu gege, you’re so childish.”
Wei Yu: “……”
Later, little cousin insisted on me joining her party, saying that she was the party leader and that I was a bannerman* and as soon as the horn sounded, I had to run in the front.
I said, “I can’t run fast, I’ll definitely be surpassed before long.”
Thus, little cousin undertook a difficult job of finding Wei Yu. Wei Yu respectfully said, “Me being a bannerman is obviously making little use of a great talent. Party leader, I request to use the ZTZ-99 war tank. It has three different types of bullets equipped, the first shoots at 1760m/s, the second type of bullet can shoot to a distance of 2300metres and the last one has a thickness of 600 millimetres and can shoot to a speed of 1000m/s……”
Little cousin: “Wei Yu gege, can you be a bit more serious?”
Wei Yu: “……”
Finally, Xu Wei Yu carried the banner and charged in the front.
Little cousin really likes Xiao Di. Every time Xiao Di is at home, she would always stick to him to play and thought of him as the best. Although Xiao Di was proud and haughty, he showed loving care towards our little cousin.
To what extent did their strong relationship go to?
As soon as little cousin entered, she’d ask, “Lao Gu* are you there?”
*[Lao means old, she’s calling him Old Gu (Gu is his last name), a way the older generations called each other.]
Xiao Di: “Aiya, our Lao Wang is here!” Little cousin’s surname is Wang. And then, the two people would hold hands and watch TV, eat snacks, one would play a game and the other would stand on the side cheering.
When Wei Yu saw it when he came to pick me up, he said, “If you’re playing games then just play the games, why are you bringing bad children, where are your morals?”
Xiao Di ignored him and continued to play with little cousin.
Wei Yu leaned by the door of the study and waved to little cousin, “Come come, little beautiful, come here.”
Little cousin also likes to play with Wei Yu a lot usually so she was torn in between, Xiao Di shouted over, “Can you not tower over by the door? It’s really an eyesore!”
Wei Yu saw that Xiao Di’s attention was directed towards him now and immediately started a ‘dispute’ with him.
Later when I went back, I said to the person, “I always wanted to say, it’s actually true love between you two right?”
I originally thought that I was able to beautifully end this chapter like this.
However, Xu Wei Yu gazed out the window and said with melancholy, “Yeah……But, we will never be able to go back ah……”