Chapter 25: No do, will die.
Fun fact: I think this book is based on the author, Gu Xi Jie’s own life so Xiao Di and Xu Wei Yu are in fact very real! Gu Xi Jie sure is lucky!
On the first day of the holidays, Wei Yu was phoning his friend, “I got a little machine part on my car changed and they want 4000 dollars, the part that’s been replaced can’t even sell for 40 cents as recycled iron!”
Afterwards, his friend said something and he laughed coldly, “I have no money.” Then after thinking about it, “But my wife does, hehe.”
I was thinking, I was always walking in the dark, when did I turn rich? When I heard him continue: “That’s right ah, I’m saying this just to make you angry that you have no wife to ache over you, how about it? Hahahahaha! Feels good!”
The car needed servicing so Xu Wei Yu phoned the shop to book a time: “Hello, a xxx model, the plate number is …… I’m coming tomorrow afternoon.”
The other person paused for a while then said, “Sorry, you have phoned the wrong number. This is the call centre for administration services, do you need any services?”
I thought he’d hang up but he immediately asked, “What kind of services do you have?”
“Hourly labourers, nannies etc.”
Thus, he called an hourly worker to come tomorrow and do general clean of the house. Satisfied, he hung up.
I looked at him for a long while and couldn’t help but be suspicious, this guys’ ‘wrong phone number’ is intentional right? How lazy.
The next day, after the labourer had left, Wei Yu was watching TV when his co-worker called. He was too lazy so he pressed the speaker mode and put the phone on the table. A girl on TV was just shouting, “Don’t leave, I was wrong, please don’t leave!!”
The caller asked in a small voice: “Are you fighting with your wife?”
Wei Yu: “Nope.”
Caller: “Oh, scared me to death. I had wanted to say, if you were fighting with your wife, then you don’t need to come to work tomorrow and save us from being vented on and suffer from life threatening danger.”
Me, who was sitting next to him was completely speechless.
Afterwards, I asked Xu Wei Yu: “Have you vented out anger at work?”
“Nope.” He said, “I just said that if one day I got a divorce, you guys have to remember to lock all the weapons, I just said this one line.”
For Notional Day, my family went to a restaurant to eat with Xu Wei Yu’s family.
When we walked in the restaurant, I heard Wei Yu say to his father: “Can you help me settle my fine?” His father resolutely said: “No.”
Afterwards, he started pouring his father alcohol. When his father was drunk, he patted his son’s shoulder and said: “Even when drunk, we only help order, not family.”
We Yu put down the bottle resolutely and turned to my dad, “Dad, is it still possible to adopt a son?”
This punk really isn’t scared of any elders. My dad was usually stern but even he laughed.
What a funny fellow.
On the road home, I said to him: “I saw you drink, let me drive, you lie back and rest.”
“It was only two cups. Plus, it’s no problem in the city area.”
“More than half of your fines are from the city area okay?”
Wei Yu turned gloomy: “Don’t be so direct. Oh yeah, darling, can you lend your license to me? I don’t think I have enough points to deduct……”
“……” I sternly criticised him, “Next time be more careful!”
“What will you do if you get fined again?”
“Borrow from you again!”
“……” After talking so much, it was a waste.
In the holidays, I accompanied Wei Yu and his friend to look at cars. Wei Yu had already established in his friend circle and mine, a ‘car professional’ nickname. When we walked in, we walked around. In the end, Wei Yu stopped in front of a black, fierce looking car, and asked, “How about this car?”
The car dealer: “It can definitely be driven!”
Everyone around us became quiet. Even that car dealer realised his mistake but Wei Yu continued to pretend to be serious and nodded, “Mhm, not bad, notbad.”
At night, we went to bathhouse for a bath. I finished my bath first and waited in the big hall for Xu Wei Yu. After waiting for half an hour, he still didn’t appear.
Later, I found out that this guy had fainted……After he fainted, he was brought to the changing rooms. A male worker was holding an electric fan next to him. After he woke up, he shouted in a muddle: “I don’t want any special services!” Apparently everyone around him laughed like crazy.
After we got on the car, he leaned over and used my sleeve to wipe his pretend tears, “Someone was seen through by others, wife, after we get back you have to comfort my heart.”
“I didn’t see anything.”
“Usually it’s only you who sees!”
On the road, he kept complaining: “I was completely seen, sigh, what to do, I was completely seen, I feel so weary of the world, what to do, I was stark naked, so embarrassing ah, I feel like I’ll never be loved again……”
I said: “Is it really that exaggerated?” Being world weary and never loved again……
He immediately raised his voice: “Yes, my body is originally only for you, now……” I cut off his words, “Your mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, and some other elders, there’s probably been quite a lot of people who have seen you completely bare right? Although it was when you were little but when you’ve grown up, didn’t you say before that during university, you’d take showers while comparing that with others? Heh, didn’t you suffer a blow when you compared it with Westerners?”
Wei Yu: “Speak! Who are you?! Where’s my wife?!”
Intermittently, I would be very lazy and not move at all. I didn’t want to wash clothes or cook, but when I didn’t wash my clothes after taking them off, my insides would be tied up in a know so I called Xu Wei Yu into the study and said, “I’ll give you 100, go wash the clothes.”
Xu Wei Yu paused, I thought he would say he wasn’t happy but instead, he said: “I’m not that cheap.”
After washing the clothes, he ran back and said, “This customer, do you also want an additional bed service ah, only 100 is fine.”
Me: “No need.”
When Xu Wei Yu woke up one morning, he started searching around in my pockets. I asked: “What are you doing?”
Wei Yu: “Darling, give some money.”
I thought, he couldn’t be so poor ah, so I asked, “Did you go and do something I didn’t know about?”
Wei Yu looked at me meaningfully, “You finally found out?”
My brain immediately flashed the words, “wining, whoring and gambling.” But I heard him continue, “Didn’t I sneak my wallet to you? I’ve been working hard to be a modern good man and didn’t even leave myself a single cent. Then, one day when you suddenly find out, you’ll hug me and say, ‘husband, you’re the best’! But, when I woke up, reality told me that our cafeteria at work needs to be paid for ourselves so, boss, please give me ten dollars food money. ”
After being speechless for a long time, “Which clothing did you put it into?”
Hence, the two of us searched through coats early in the morning.
My cousin in law was teaching in university. I had nothing to do so I went over to listen to her lesson. That day, I didn’t tell her beforehand when I went to class. I sat in the last row and a classmate beside me quietly asked, “You seem to have skipped a lot of classes ah classmate.”
I didn’t know how to reply so I smiled but didn’t say anything. This male classmate had a lot of perseverance and continued to ask: “You’re not from our class right?”
I said, “I’m listening in.”
He determinedly said, “Then how about you give me your number, you can help me tick my name on the roll call and I’ll treat you to a meal.”
Someone beside us laughed out, “He wants to date you!”
That male blushed, “No I don’t.”
He probably really wasn’t, he just wanted me to tick his name for him but I still clarified it for that person beside us, “I have a marriage license.”
A day later, I heard my cousin in law tell me in surprise that apparently, there is a student in their school who has already gotten married!
I went to the cinemas to watch a movie with Wei Yu and a married couple (that guy was Wei Yu’s bro).
In the middle of the movie, that bro said, “Pft pft, this is a crime of high intelligence ah.”
Xu Wei Yu slowly said, “I can see the crime, but not the high intelligence part.”
Bro: “Brother, don’t you think that this film has a lot of depth?”
Wei Yu: “It varies from person to person, perhaps it really has depth to you.”
Bro: “I say sister in law, is your husband giving me a personal insult?”
Me: “……” As someone who didn’t really understand the movie, I didn’t want to voice any opinion.